“One of those days”
Dear diary,
today is just one of those days.
Twice this week I have been frustrated and angry because of the foolishness of people close to me. I get fucking mad when they speak of things that doesn’t really concern anybody else than myself.
-“I’m sure you’re going to marry a [insert any nationality here) woman, and I know she is going to spoil you rotten”, they say.
-“These (clothes) are for when you have children”, they say.
Why do they need to say these things?
I once believed in love, I once believed in “the true one”, I once believed in the institution of marriage. Then I grew up.
April 18, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Well, I grew up, and I still believe in them (not in THE ONE AND ONLY nessicarily, but at least in love and marriage). Which of course doesn’t mean that you should have to believe in them, but that the matter isn’t really tied to growing up or not growing up. That my take on it at least.
April 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm
It is in my experience. I was a blue eyed little boy in more than one way. Then I saw the world for what it really is. Love is sadly just a word, or a romanticised idea of something very vague. Most people marry because of love, and how sad is that!? No wonder the divorce rate is sky high.
Maybe I’m just cold, cynical and confused…
April 18, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Yeah, love is just chemistry in the brain.
I don’t believe in that. If not for anything else, then at least for the simple reason that God says that He is love. And as that might seem vague to us humans, and indeed it does, us weak-ass western modern people make the abstraction level of God’s love and character sky high. If we saw God’s love in a concrete way, then maybe more people would believe in love. I know I’ve had my moments of doubt and disbelief, but at least right now, in this situation, I can say that I believe in love. Don’t know about further on down the road though…
April 18, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I didn’t say love is chemistry. I haven’t said love doesn’t exist. I said I do not believe in it, but maybe I should clarify; I have a hard time believing in it. I also think that one can not expect people to understand “God’s love” since most people couldn’t care less about God, religion and all that. For “most people” to even grasp an idea such as “God’s love” would be Mission Impossible IV.
And I also think that seeing is not believing.
Oh well, jada jada ad infinitum. We could both argue about this forever…
April 18, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Dankku, I know we chatted about this today a bit, but I’ve been giving it some more thought and wanted to weigh in on the discussion here a bit. Now, I’m a theology student, so I know my answer is going to be drawing from that, but I hope it’s not abstract and makes some sense.
The biggest problem with Western society is that we think love is a “feeling” or an “emotion” that will come to us if we meet the right person. I think this is wrong, and I think the Bible is clear that it is wrong. You remember the Christian band DCTalk? They had a song called “Love is a Verb,” and while I’m not all into Christian music per se, I think they hit the nail on the head with that one. Love is not something you feel, it’s something you do.
Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus loving us was not just something he felt, it was something he did. Jesus just didn’t feel all sorry for us and try to make us feel better, he became a man which was a huge sacrifice in itself for him (for God to become man!), and then he subjected himself to death, taking all the wrath of God’s anger against all the sin of humanity past, present, and future so that we wouldn’t have to suffer the punishment. If you want a definition of love to go by, that is it.
Of course, that’s a standard of love that we can never attain. It is perfect love. But we can try, and with God’s grace we can do pretty good, I think.
Let me mention something else that is helpful. I’ve studied Greek, so I know that the Bible uses three different words for love. One of them is ἔρως (érōs) which is a passionate love, the type you’d find between happily married couples. The second is φιλία (philía), which is like the love between friends or brothers. The last is ἀγάπη (agápē) which is the word used to describe the love of Jesus. That love is defined as self-giving, self-sacrificing love. Western society has twisted love to become selfish and desiring, instead of selfless and giving.
This is what makes love feel like it eludes so many of us. We expect to get it when what we really need to do is give it. This is the two greatest commandments, right? “‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:36-39). God commands that we love him, and the way we are to love him is to serve him, not to feel all warm and fuzzy toward him (though our affection should be for him, for sure!). And second, we are to love our neighbor in the same way, to serve them. It is in that humbleness that the true nature of love is found. There’s a story in the gospels where Jesus washes his disciples’ feet. I’m sure you know it. It was just before he was about to die. But that act which was like the lowest task a person could do and which the slaves always did shows Jesus’ love. And that’s the model that we are supposed to follow.
One of the sad truths about the world and about mankind is that even if you love the world like this, they might not love you back. And that really sucks. It does. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. If we love everyone as Jesus did and wants us too, it doesn’t matter how the world responds. The world hated him, the world is going to hate us. But in the face of that hate, we are to love. That’s really hard, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. But one day, it’s not going to matter what this world thinks of us, because God loves us, has always loved us, and will always love us.
Anyway, Dankku and Dankku’s readers, I know that’s a long comment, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on it (that’s what blogs are for, right?
) Hope that helps in thinking through all this. And I hope I don’t sound like I know it all, because I really don’t want to come off that way. I don’t have it all figured out yet by any means. This is just what I’ve learned so far.