Dankku vs. Dankku

A while back we had to go to DocPoint (Helsinki Documentary-film festival) for school. We had to watch at least 12 films, take notes, make 5 analyses and based on all of that we had to give a lecture on DocPoint to the rest of the school, students as well as teachers and other personnel.

Yesterday we, there are five of us studying documentary film, prepared a PowerPoint presentation on what we were going to talk about. I was supposed to talk about Austrian Film History, and give my analysis on a film called The End of The Neubacher Project. I had prepared well, I knew my stuff. But, upon pondering we concluded we should remove the film history part from my segment as we thought that was kind of irrelevant.

What has the title got to do with all of this, you ask? I will tell you:

I have trouble expressing my thoughts verbally, and it’s something I’ve struggled with all my life. To try to explain it as simply as possible, it’s like this: You have about a million thoughts in your head, and each and every one rushes to your mouth at the same time, you get confused and lose track on what you are saying, you stutter, you think you don’t make any sense at all. And this happens even in relaxed atmospheres for me, even when I am just casually talking to a good friend or a brother over a cup of coffee.

So imagine having this problem, and then go up in front of all the people at school and giving them a lecture on something. If you’re guessing I was nervous you are correct.

OK, now we come to the title part. I fought myself, I fought hard. All the panic signals shook my body, and the voices in my head screamed I should flee, I should run away and forget this is about to happen. But I stayed, I gave my lecture even though I lost track of what I was saying, I answered the questions my audience had for me… and when the presentation was over we cleared the studio and our teacher came up to us and said we did good, he even pat my shoulder and said: “Good job, Dankku”.

I fought myself today and I won. I am happy.